Consistently, I have found that my most joyful moments are typically surrounded by those of pain and sorrow. It is where we are at our lowest points that allows us to fully experience and appreciate the joy in life. So in a way, yes, joy and pain are intrinsically linked. Looking back on spurts of unbound joy, often, I recall the misery that existed before and after that happy memory. Running frantically through a playground where my coworkers and I created a makeshift obstacle course, and subsequently were timing each other to see who was the most spry of the group. Then, in a flash, I am back at work getting battered and bruised, mentally and physically destroyed, I am in my bedroom sobbing over the loneliness I feel within. Nothing will amount to that moment of delight I felt at the playground, soon the summer will end and I will never see these people ever again. I believe these instances are essential to feel satisfaction in the times we spend doing what we truly enjoy. Without pain, how can we know true joy? The sorrows allow us to feel gratification to a higher degree. After all, how can we differentiate between the highest highs when there are no lows?

Gay encourages us to accept and adapt to the sorrows we, ourselves feel, in addition to others’. Recognizing where we have caused others to experience sorrow is a further skill into acknowledging how each is affected by pain. To, “lay down our swords” is to incorporate sorrow into our joy, let the two feelings merge together to create a greater understanding of bliss. The terms are associated with one another due to the opposing meanings, one simply cannot exist without the other. The concept is similar as to why there is a hot and a cold, an up and a down, a yes and a no, etc.. I agree with Gay’s implication of producing this beautiful chaos in the rollercoaster of emotions we experience, in fact, both sorrow and joy should be celebrated as one. Much like twins born from the same womb, they appear as polar opposites in life, but are ultimately bound together fundamentally. This is a fact we must accept.

In my life, joy is sparked by a multitude of events whether small or large. Hearing the first few notes of your favorite song by an artist at a concert; recognizing that you created a solution to a problem others had not considered, like you used to as a kid; rooting for certain characters in a book; working at an apple orchard with your best friend; blasting music which you clean and organize, along with the gratification after; dancing with work friends while cleaning after a difficult day; taking out my camera to focus on things in the world around me; being with my older cousins who used to think I was too young to hang out with them; painting large elaborate sets to appear on a stage; exploring and discovering new coffee shops and bookstores; taking a walk in the woods to look for frogs, squirrels, birds, etc..  

My list often shows many instances where I am with other people whom I would consider friends. Meaning, I engage in the world alongside others, though occasionally on my own. I find joy in past or present experiences rather than planning for the future, which in my ideology I find to hold true, since I do not tend to think about what may happen in the future, but try to stay in the present. My list also shows that I engage in many of the things I enjoyed throughout my childhood such as building/creating, reading, listening to music and dancing. I think this is linked to a resourcefulness in what I can do with the things around me, a way to use the outdoors as a safe space.

Ross Gay’s essay interacts with Zadie Smith’s in ways of describing joy as being associated with pain. In both essays, it does not appear as though either writer is advocating for sorrow, but both argue that it is essential to experience joy. As a college student, Gay’s essay creates a somewhat relatable essay where there is this big loud party going on, which is often how it feels to be in college with all the assignments, events, friends, family, stress, etc. it feels like a whirlwind from day-to-day. Gay’s essay depicts the high of joy and the sadness of sorrow that occurs in everyone’s life. The value is that no one is alone in these crazy aspects of emotion, yes, everyone experiences it differently but there are typically some similarities in each situation.